I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize