called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
