Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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