dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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