i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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