Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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