This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
