Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
