I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
