feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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