We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
