you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
