so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
