Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
