It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
