Your dad touched me again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
