i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
