Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
