IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i've created a new STD.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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