I wanna bring you to show and tell
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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