Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
