Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
