i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize