i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
