He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
