Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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