Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So many bounce houses so little time
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
