I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
