I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
