why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
