Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
