I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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