i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
