have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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