my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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