well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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