I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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