omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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