I CAN MOONWALK!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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