Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
