That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
