Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
