I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
