I'm pants shitting drunk right now
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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