shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
