thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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