So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
