is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
