I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize