u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
