the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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