Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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