You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
