The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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