I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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