you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
