I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
