the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
