bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
