I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
