I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize