let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
50% drunk capacity currently
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
