im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
