Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
