ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
