Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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