this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
