I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
