I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
