The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
